And so we arrive at this point (refer to title). It would now seem that gone are the former entries in which I’d state a grand return, before laying audacious plans for our future, whilst wildly celebrating it all with my rambunctious key-smashing and its resulting phonetic fireworks. With the last part of that sentence being synonymous for shitting all over this web page with non-sensical words (and indeed even being parsimonious).
Ok so I suppose at least some of the verbal defecation remains, but the dreams, THE DREAMS, they have deserted me. I stare at this page and no longer aim to delude you, nor delude me, nor delude the world, the solar system, the universe, the multiverse, no I come in truth. I don’t write here much anymore, and I know why, and I’m here to tell you.
It’s because I hate you.
No, I joke. I love you. I don’t even know who many of you are, but love you still I do. More than I ever knew I even could love people I don’t know.
But a quick step back: why am I telling you the truth? Because I saw it myself in a brief realisation. As much as I may ever try to deny it, this blog must in some way be accepted at the very least as (at least, least, least) some slight form of a travel blog (perhaps). The blog title being predominantly the major element in refusing me any complete denial of this. Hence, with the blog’s nature in mind, a silence here one could imagine may only result from a lack of travel.
But one is foolish! For travels I have made, more than one’s feeble mind can clearly fathom. To summarise briefly from 4 months ago, my path has been thus: Milan > London >Milan >Switzerland >Milan >London >French Alps >London >Milan >Morocco >Milan >London >Paris >Milan >Paris >London >Jakarta > Bali> Lombok > Flores > Reading > London. This all including boats, planes, trains, long cycles, motorcycling across islands… the whole shebang!
What’s more I’m in love, I have a girlfriend. Why don’t you know? Why haven’t you heard? What happened to that boy who wrote to you of 24th birthdays spent in the company of beautiful German twins (female), yet simultaneously spent absent from them, daydreaming to the past, questioning its formation of the present and why that present had seen me leading so much, or even (until then) all, my life alone.
And the answer for my silence is actually remarkably simple. Although I may have been to many places this year, I have not moved through them, as in I have not lived in one and then on to another. And yes, actually this is not a travel blog, it is instead a my life story and a sharing of my thoughts thing, and unfortunately (for you voyeuristic cronies) my life is now static, based in one city, attached to one job, connected deeply to a set of people who no longer change, but grow. The consequence of this is that I can no longer voice myself publicly. If I want to slag someone off, they will read about it, if I want to talk about how unhappy I am about something, someone may take it personally for some reason, if I want to talk about my students, I could get discovered as the tutor who tells the whole internet (/30 or so readers) the intimacies of all his student relationships. And I’m just too damn successful to even think of risking the latter.
Especially for you lot. Because I hate you.
No, I joke. I love you, and even without me here, I hope you can all still know that.
Until the next time my old friends. Whatever the next time may be.